Jokes
Her er så en samling mere eller mindre vandede vittigheder – nye modtages med kyshånd på eller du kan selv skrive den ind her
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Playwright Jim Sherman wrote this after Hu Jintao was named chief of the Communist Party in China:(We take you now to the Oval Office.)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What’s happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That’s what I want to know.
Condi: That’s what I’m telling you.
George: That’s what I’m asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow’s name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya’ asking me for?
Condi: I’m telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I’m asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That’s the man’s name.
George: That’s who’s name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That’s correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don’t want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?Indsendt af: http://www.ma.huji.ac.il/~hart/humor/hu.html -
Det er lykkedes danske Jægersoldater at opsnappe følgende memo i Afghanistan:MEMORANDUM
From: Bin Laden, Osama
To: Team Mates
Subject: The Cave
Hi guys,
We’ve all been putting in long hours recently but we’ve really come together as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says “There is no ‘I’ in team” as well as the Garfield that says “Hang In There, Baby.” Very humorous. However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can’t forget to take care of the cave. And frankly I have a few concerns.
First of all, while it’s good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the carpet dust in our cave. We want to avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) so we need to sweep the cave daily. I’ve done my bit on the cleaning rota………..have you? I’ve posted a sign up sheet near the cave reception area (next to the halal toaster).
Second: It’s not often I make a video address but when I do, I’m trying to scare most of the world population, okay? That means that while we’re taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background or keep doing the ‘Wassup’ thing. Just while we’re taping. Thanks.
Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote “Ossy” on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea Slices were gone. Consideration. That’s all I’m saying.
Fourth: I’m not against team chanting and all that, but, we must distance ourselves from the Westerner’s bat and ball game. Please do not chant “Ossy Ossy Ossy Oi Oi Oi” every time I ride past on the donkey.
Finally, we’ve heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar, and Dave.
Love you lots, Group Hug.
Oz.
PS – I’m sick of having Osama’s Bed Linen scribbled on my bed sheets. Cut it out Abdul, not funny anymoreIndsendt af: Rasmus -
Et cinematografisk scoop: En uklippet scene fra en af de gamle Star Wars film er dukket op:Star Wars: The More Realistic Cut
Missing Scene from “Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back”
A furious light sabre duel is taking place. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, and off goes Luke’s hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there’s nowhere to go but straight down.
Darth Vader: There is no escape. Don’t make me destroy you. [pauses] Luke, you do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover your power. Join me, and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy.
Luke: I’ll never join you!
Vader: If you only knew the power of the Dark Side. Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him.
Vader: No. *I* am your father.
Luke: No. No! That’s not true. That’s impossible!
Vader: Search your feelings. You know it to be true.
Luke: NOOOooooo!! Nooooo…
Darth Vader: Yes, it is true. And another thing, you know that brass
droid of yours?
Luke: uhh, what? Threepio?
Darth Vader: Yes… Threepio! I built him, you know! When I was seven!
Luke: NOOooooo….. wait a minute.. huh?!
Darth Vader: That’s right, seven years old and I built my own droid! Come to think of it, what exactly have you accomplished? Look at yourself! No hand, no job, hanging out with smugglers, hairy grunting apes, robots and the princess of a planet that was blown to smithereens – did anyone say losers?! And you couldn’t even levitate your own ship out of a swamp. A friggin’ swamp, for crying out loud!
Luke: But… I.. I destroyed your precious Death Star!
Darth Vader: Oh yeah right, when you were what, 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed an entire Trade Federation Droid Control ship!
Luke: But (*sniff*) it’s not my fault…
Darth Vader: Oh great, here we go! “Poor me, my father never gave me a light sabre for my birthday! Boo hoo, my mommy died and my daddy is the Dark Lord of the Sith… Nobody ever loved me… waahhh wahhh!”
Luke: Shut up!
Darth Vader: You’re a slacker and a bum! By the time I was your age, I had already exterminated the Jedi knights!
Luke: Well, I used to race my T-16 through Beggar’s Canyon…!
Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor! 10 years old, winner of the
Boonta Eve Open! The Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer! You’re looking at him, right here baby!!
Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.
Darth Vader: I guess I was wrong all along… You’re not my kid! I don’t know whose you are, but you sure ain’t mine.
Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft. Darth Vader looks down after him.
Darth Vader: And get a haircut!Indsendt af: Rasmus -
Hvad børn dog ikke siger…:Det sker, at den, man gifter sig med, er den forkerte, at det bare er synsbedrag. Men så kan man bare skille sig og finde og ny og bedre (Jonas, 8 år)
I gamle dage sagde man “Jeg elsker dig” til folk. Nu behøver man heldigvis ikke at anstrenge sig så forfærdelig meget længere. Jeg tror, det er nok at sige: “Kom her!” (Holger, 8 år)
Hvordan er det at være forelsket? Det er ligesom at have fødselsdag i maven. Du er nødt til at forelske dig, før du bliver gift. Så når du er gift, så skal I bare sidde sammen og læse bøger.
Nogle stensikre måder at få en person til at forelske sig i dig:
- Fortæl dem, at du ejer en hel flok slikbutikker.
- Vrik med dine hofter og håb det bedste.
Hvordan kan man se, at to mennesker er gift med hinanden?
-Ægtepar ser tit lykkelige ud, når de snakker med andre mennesker (Elin, 8 år)
-Måske må man bare gætte, men en god ledetråd er, hvis de skælder det samme barn ud (Sebastian, 8 år)
Børn bader nøgne, men voksne vil helst skjule sine ældre dele.
De ældre kan ikke få børn. Deres æggestokke er slidte, og desuden har mændene problemer med protesen.
Hvis du går en tur, og hjernen falder ud, så kan du ikke finde hjem igen, for så kan du ikke tænke klart længere.
I befrugtningsøjeblikket smelter moderen sammen med faderen. Først bliver moderen bestøvet. Så sætter støvet sig fast og begynder at slå rødder. Så kommer babyen ud af en luge i enden af moderen.
I gamle dage var det ikke almindeligt for faderen at føde barnet. De syntes, det var umusikalsk. Men i dag er det ok at moderen og faderen føder barnet sammen.
Kroppen består af indvolde og udvolde. Indvolde er f.eks. marv, ben og milten. Udvolde er ofte mere synlige og kan skiftes ud ved specielle anledninger. Især på damer (Henrik, 8 år)
Nogle damer har store bryster, mens andre er næsten topløse.
Nogle mennesker har appelsinhud. Især arabere og udvandrere (Tina, 7 år)
Når man er omkring 40 eller 50 år, stopper damerne med at lægge æg. Det vil sige, at de ikke længere kan producere folk. Æglægningen begynder omkring fjortenårsalderen og varer helt til middelalderen (Johannes, 8 år)
Når man kommer i puberteten forandrer kroppen sig så meget, at man næsten ikke kan kende den igen. Drengene får udvækster, mens pigerne bliver blødere. Så begynder man at få øjnene op for, at man kan bruge drengene og pigerne til forskellige ting
Bibelen består for eksempel af De fem Musebøger og Marius´ evangelium
Drenge ligner ikke engle. Ikke engang når de smiler (7-årig)
Hvis man ikke vil være gift længere, fordi manden måske var dummere, end man troede, så kan man skilles som venner (7-årig)
Nu er der kommet et ozonhul i himlen. Så er Guds gulv ikke længere helt tæt, og det kan blive et problem.
Arsenik er et stærkt krydderi, som let kan ødelægge hele middagen
En svigermor er straffen, man må tage, når man gifter sig med en person, man ikke kender (Poul, 7 år)
Gammeljomfruer er damer, som har hornhinden i behold (Siw, 10 år)
Gammeljomfruer ved ikke helt, hvordan mænd skal bruges (Martin, 8 år)
I gamle dage troede de, at storken kom med børnene. Nu er man gået over til mere moderne metoder
I gamle dage var kønsrollerne ikke opfundet. Mændene vidste ikke, at damerne var lige meget værd. I dag får man det ind med teskeer med modermælk
Min lillebror spurgte mig engang, hvad der sker, når vi dør. Jeg fortalte ham, at vi bliver begravet under en bunke jord, og at ormene æder vores kroppe. Jeg tror, at jeg skulle have fortalt ham sandheden: At de fleste af os ender i Helvede og brænder for evigt, men jeg ville ikke gøre ham ked af det
Når man gifter sig, giver man hinanden et tavshedsløfte. Hvis man ikke holder det, bliver man skilt, og så må man dele lamperne og knivene imellem sig, og som regel bliver man ikke enige om, hvem der skal have børnene. Så må man gå til en børsmægler. Han bestemmer, at den ene skal ha´ børnene, og så får den anden et spisebord ekstra
Stikpiller: De piller, lægen bare stikker folk, uden at de ved det.
Farmor har fortalt, at da hun var lille, måtte pigerne sidde med samlede ben. I dag tager man det ikke så nøje, om man vifter lidt med underlivet. -
En klassisk blondine-vits:Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room, there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie, *POOF* you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.
A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, “I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world.” *POOF* The mirror swallows her.
Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, “I think I think I’m the sexiest woman alive! *POOF* The mirror swallows her.
Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror and says, “I think…” *POOF* -
Her en historie fra det virkelige liv(?):The following concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen: “Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer.”
One student replied:”You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building.”
This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed immediately. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.
For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn’t make up his mind which to use. On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows:
“Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer.”
“Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper’s shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper.”
“But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi sq. root (l/g).”
“Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up.”
“If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building.”
“But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor’s door and say to him ‘If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper’.”
The student was Niels Bohr, the only Dane to win the Nobel prize for Physics. -
Et spørgsmål med en masse svar:Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
PLATO: For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that’s the only trip the establishment would let it take.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGAN: I forget.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecturing and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross- median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment that was strategically based, industry- focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive toward the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken “crossed” the black
man in order to trample him and keep him down.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the
road.” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask,
“What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?”
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook.
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” Rather, it is, “Who was
crossing the road at the same time, who we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?”
DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road … it transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
MICHAEL SCHUMACHER: It was an instinctive maneuver; the chicken obviously didn’t see the road until he had already started to cross.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
O.J. Simpson : It didn’t. I was playing golf with it at the time.
DIRTY HARRY : Give me ten minutes alone with the chicken and I´ll find out.
BILL CLINTON :I did not have sex with that chicken!
SALVADOR DALI: The Fish.
NEIL ARMSTRONG: One small step for chickenkind, one giant leap for poultry.
ROSEANNE BARR: Urrrrrp. What chicken?
THE CHICKEN: “I am crossing the road to block traffic as a protest against …” … (thump). -
Et par små one-liners:
- All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
- Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
- I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
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En lille en til at knuse alle barnehåbene ude i de små stuer:As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renowned scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) – I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.
- No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
- There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn’t (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total – 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that’s 91.8 million homes. One presumes there’s at least one good child in each.
- Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. This means that Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second (3,000 times the speed of sound). For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second – a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
- The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that “flying reindeer” (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload – not even counting the weight of the sleigh – to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison – this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth II.
- 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance – this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth’s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy, per second, each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
- No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
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Sådan slipper du af med en irriterende person:A computer programmer and an engineer were sitting next to each other on an airplane. The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to sleep, so he politely declines, turns away and tries to sleep. The programmer persists and explains that it is a really easy game. He says, “I ask a question and if you don’t kow the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $5.” Again, the engineer politely declines and tried to sleep.
The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I pay you $50!”
Now, that got the engineer’s attention, so he agrees to the game. The programmer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” The engineer doesn’t say a word, but reaches for his wallet instead and hands the programmer $5.
Now it is the engineer’s turn. He asks the programmer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?” The programmer looks at him with a puzzled expression, takes out his notebook computer, looks through all his references, and after about half an hour, wakes the engineer and hands the engineer $50. The engineer politely takes the $50, turns away and tries to return to sleep.
The programmer, a little miffed, asks, “Well, what’s the answer to the question?” Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the programmer, turns away and returns to sleep. -
Man kan jo altid more sig på kvindernes bekostning…:A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, “OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah blah blah! This is the fourth time this month and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three of them. You only get one wish!”
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii but I’m scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?”
The genie laughed and said, “That’s impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete … how much steel! No, think of another wish.”
The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, “I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don’t care and that I’m insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women… know how they feel inside and what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment… know why they’re crying, know what they really want when they say ‘nothing’… know how to make them truly happy.”
The genie said, “You want that bridge with two lanes or four?” -
En for de spansk-kyndige, et brev fra Christopher Columbus:La conquista…
Llegamos hace dos meses, y ya casi hemos for-
malizado las relaciones internacionales. Les he comu-
nicado a todas las indias y les ha fascinado la ver-
dad sincera con que hemos hablado y mucho les hala-
ga de nosotros lo velludo. Ya nos sacaron todo el se-
creto del éxito en la travesía en barco y ya no te-
men a los que veníamos en las 3 carabelas. Estas pu-
ras y lindas mujeres nos han dicho que estan dispues-
tas quieren irse a Espana con nosotros.
Quiero decirle a usted en lo personal que me co-
noce muy bien, que para entender el dialecto esco-
jí a una mujer llamada Malinche, esta linda dama co-
cina un arroz con pescado muy sabroso y ademas te-
je con mucha creatividad. El papa de ella es pu-
ra necedad y para colmo es demasiado ton-
to que no se ha dado cuenta de la conquista.
Bueno majestad, es todo por ahora, saludos a su pu-
ritana mujer Isabel y digale que por aca la situacion es-
ta controlada que no tema y que muy pronto me acos-
tumbraré a estas tierras, ya que en unos meses mas es-
taré con ella para agradecerle toda su vida.
Atentamente, Cristobal Colon.
Ahora viene la segunda parte:
Vuelvan a leer la carta, pero esta vez lee una linea sí y una no.
